Feeling the anger

Finally! My blood is boiling. I am so sick of being told what I "should" be doing, how I "should" be acting, what I "should" be feeling. They are not asking me. They are just telling me!

Where do they come off telling me?!?!? They haven't gone through the last two years, the last ten months, the last three weeks of my life.

Grief, grieving, sorrow, loss is an immensely personal experience. No two people go through it exactly the same I am learning.

After all this time focused so intently on taking care of Robert, I want the time to focus solely intently on me. How I'm feeling. How I'm doing. How I'm acting. How now it is all about me and no one else. I want to feel totally self absorbed.

I want to wallow in my grief. Feel every bit of pain. Yearn for Robert with every molecule of my being.

And I don't care what they say. $%(?!?!?#?$?%^?^

So why am I sobbing?