Bereavement Group

I decide I might benefit from a grief group. Promise myself that I have to connect with the leader or moderator, as well as the people in the group. If I don't feel a connection I'll go look for another group.

Get a referral from a friend of a friend about a great leader of a Bereavement Group. Hmm is that what they are called? Not Grief Groups? Bereavement? A whole new word to work into my vocabulary.

Major road construction and I drive by the address. My GPS tells me to "turn around when possible." I drive past again, "turn around when possible."

I begin to wonder if the Universe is testing me. How much do I really want to go to this Bereavement Group? It is so tempting to just give in and say I tried but could not find it. But to whom am I saying that? This is about me. I'm the one who decided to go. Complete my third U-turn.

Enter the meeting room. And I immediately realize I am the youngest person in the room. I'm panicking. Why I didn't see the road construction as a sign from the Universe "Do Not Enter."

Again the thought flits through my mind, How much do I really want this? I gather my evidence - I am the only one with color in their hair, with long hair, wearing jeans, with cute ankle boots, with an iPhone!

Okay everyone here is grieving a husband or wife. But.....they talk about year anniversaries of death (I'm at three weeks and counting). Of headstones and grave sites (Robert was cremated). Of visiting cemeteries and talking to their loved ones twice a week (Robert is currently sitting on top of the bookcase and we talk all the time). Of their adult children (no kids and I find myself relating to their children).

Oh I cry. The tears just start and pour down my face. There is something safe about crying in front of these people. But no one says anything. Or maybe no one says anything.

It ends, the room empties quickly, I'm searching for my car keys and look up and the two (older) men are waiting for me. And invite me to their Social Club at the Senior Center! I am not used to being a hot young thing. Grief? Bereavement?