Monday, November 28, 2016

I am here in Florida - how is that possible?


I am now in Florida. Can't help but laugh and think "How did that happen?" I drove over a thousand miles in Huey (SUV) with my horse trailer filled with all my possessions. My cat in the back seat, a new BFF sharing the driving,. Took three days with two overnights to complete the journey. I shipped the horses—knowing my limitations.

I am happy. I am having fun. I sleep through the night. My life is unlike anything I imagined. Okay I'll admit that it was a fantasy of mine to live on a farm with my horses. But the fantasy didn't look like this—this is way better. I don't know who I am and refuse to look too closely as I am feeling very present—in the moment—here. The new normal is no matter where here is I am home. A startling and poignant concept.

As we crossed into Florida my friend asked me if I had butterflies. And I realized no. And no for the entire journey. This totally continues to confound—that I have metamorphosized into one for whom home is me. Don't seem to need a physical location any longer.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Moving toward move to Florida

The preparation for the move to Florida is progressing. I drove Bobbie (Z3) to New Hampshire a few weeks ago where he will be spending the winter in a friend's barn. With my friend's M6 for company. It was an emotional experience as I drove—top down of course—into the White Mountains that Rob loved so much. Spectacular fall foliage. A fitting place for Bobbie to spend the winter.

I loaded the inside of the car up with my house plants, as the trunk was filled with car cover and battery tender. Slowly divesting myself of possessions, even if it is only for six months. Still a further stripping away of stuff. Feels strange to think of Huey (SUV) as my "only" car.

I am once again reexamining all the physical objects in my life. What do I really need? What do I really want to keep close to me? Sorting through clothes, books, papers, toys, supplies. What do I continue to carry on my back and what to I leave behind?

Have had that imagery of a turtle going on since I cleaned out the house. What I was taking with me then I thought I would be traveling with from place to place. But I have the option to leave some things behind for now. To come back and reintegrate them into my life later.

I am finding the sorting cathartic in some ways. A chance to stop and look around and behind and forward. Things that were so important do not seem so right now. And other things have taken on a renewed intensity.

While not quite the same, the horses loaded up in an huge transport and are on their way to Florida right now. So I am here and they are in transit. Their leaving has created a huge hole that I know will be filled in a few days when we all gather together again. But it does feel strange as slowly things, animals, possessions are stripped away or left behind or sent ahead. I struggle to understand the attachment to inanimate objects while I all to well understand the attachment to living things. My cat Leon is here with me. He is my constant.

There is a closing of my life here, and a beckoning of a new life in Florida. I will be packing up the trailer tomorrow with my stuff, and Leon and I will venture off in Huey on a grand adventure. A friend described it as "an adventure Jamie has been waiting all her whole life for." Wow.