In the last week and a half alone, I have gone out to dinner and seen a play, met with the Rabbi, attended an awards presentation for a very special person I met at the hospital, and was supposed to go out to dinner with another, but started having chills and thought it better to cancel. Darn!Christmas week started with dinner with two friends on Monday night, then Christmas Brunch with a friend's family including a 3-year-old. After 2-1/2 hours with the 3-year-old I was ready to go home for some peace and quiet and a nap. Rounding out the week was dinner in town with another friend and her family.
Sunday I went to visit someone I haven't seen for a while. And that brings me up to New Year's. I don't want to think about New Year's. Because if I do it will lead me down the rabbit hole of thinking about beginning a "new" year. And that "new" year is the first one of many to come without Rob by my side. Tears. Heartache.
See it is much better, easier right now to stay busy. Running around. Constantly on the move. It is the sitting and thinking that leads to feeling. And the grief can get so overwhelming. So quickly. I logically can tell myself it has not been all that long. But why does it still hurt so much?
Looking back over what I have been doing and with whom, I am staggered to realize it has taken 17 people to keep me on an even keel for a week and a half. And that does not include the friends I talked with on the phone. Or the ones I saw at the barn. Or the ones who emailed me. Boy when they say it takes a village, they (whomever they are) are not kidding.
All this is to help me try and fill the empty space in my life—left by one person. Robert.
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