Daze

There does not seem to be any differentiation between weekdays and weekends. The days just run together. Everyday is a day. Just a day. Another day. What day is it?

I do the same things day in day out, weekday and weekend. Its repetitive and feels empty. I punctuate the sameness with dinner with friends. Phone appointments. Horse play dates. Anything that necessitates my making an entry into iCal, and connecting with someone.

I check my phone calendar repeatedly and I am comforted seeing dots. Looking at the calendar and not seeing dots is terrifying. Then someone will call and a dot is added.

Don't remember it being like this. The daily routine was comforting. The rhythm of life. But now its busy work intended to fill the hole in my life, the hole in my heart.

I remember there used to be markers in the week. Alternating Wednesdays and every Friday were spent at the cancer center. Strange to say but this was together time. Life fit into this schedule. But this weekly structure is now gone.