Friday, February 13, 2015

I am on my own on my birthday

I awoke this morning, sniffed the air and had the unpleasant thought that the temperature in the house was colder than normal. Got out of bed and ran to the thermostat which read 54 degrees. It was 5 degrees outside, so 50 degrees higher was a good thing. But not a normal thing. Furnace was off. It had shut down two nights ago and there in lies this story.

Today is my birthday. Notice the small b. Not Birthday, just birthday. Don't feel like I have to do anything about it except acknowledge it to myself. There will be no cards on the dining room table when I have breakfast. No birthday kiss. No one here to say Happy Birthday out loud.

But strangely that feels okay. I'm getting used to this being on my own thing. It is not alone, and it is not loneliness. It is being on my own. And what better day to embrace it than on my birthday.

Two nights ago the circuit breaker for the furnace had flipped. After checking the thermostat this morning, I went out to the garage and checked the circuit breaker. Yup it had blown, I reset it. And then called the oil company. The service man showed up quickly and explained to me all the things that could be wrong. I left him to figure it out while I went about my usual morning activities.

During the day I got thinking about what present I could get myself. And realized I had gotten a terrific present last weekend. Huey—my new to me 2005 Dodge Durango truck/SUV. The truck part of my truck and horse trailer dream. Manifested the truck part. Trailer next. Oh and Huey stands for humongous vehicle ; -)

On my own I researched, decided what was important, searched, winnowed down, talked to used car salespeople, selected what I thought was the perfect vehicle and went for a test drive in a town 1-1/2 hours away. I took the truck to a Dodge dealer for a safety inspection, negotiated with the selling salesperson and drove said truck home.

I brought it in for its inspection sticker locally and the dealer found a gas leak. I had to deal with that, call the guy I bought the truck from, re-negotiate with him to cover the cost and then get back to dealer to approve its repair.

Through all of these events not once did I think, I wish I could run this by Robert. And to add to my challenges, my neighbor who had been snow blowing my driveway had his wife suggest to me that I pay someone to plow it. In the middle of one of our ongoing snow storms. We've had over 60" of snow in 3 weeks. After talking with some of my other neighbors I realized I could no longer depend on the kindness of others. And embracing my "inner independent cowgirl" I tackled our snow blower.

Rob had showed me numerous times how to start and operate it. I had always resisted. There was no avoiding it any longer. Went out and bought a new gas "can". Filled it up with gas. I found I've been saying to people, "I've never done this before" quite a lot. And yet I keep going.

While I was worried about operating the snow blower, the new gas can turned out to be the challenge. There were all sorts of absurd safety features. No longer a can with top and spout. I struggled with the gas contraption, eventually figuring out how to get the little cap off, and what the spring thing on the spout was all about. Of course this involved spilling gasoline all over my hands and the floor of the garage and the snow blower. But I did manage to get some gas into the tank. Remembered Robert using the green extension cord to plug into the snow blower to start it without pulling the crank. Thank you Robert!

I cleared the driveway all on my own. Took several hours, and another storm is scheduled to start tomorrow. I have gas, I have snow blower, I have Huey. I think I am all set. Well hopefully I am. It is all exhausting being on my own, but I am slowly making my way. On my own. 




1 comment:

  1. A friend sent me a link to Shel Silverstein's book "The Missing Piece Meets the Big O" — a minimalist, maximally wonderful allegory at the heart of which is the emboldening message that true love doesn’t complete us—even though at first it might appear to do that—but lets us grow and helps us become more fully ourselves. Take a look:

    http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/02/12/the-missing-piece-meets-the-big-o-shel-silverstein/?mc_cid=62a64daceb&mc_eid=5eb33ce009

    ReplyDelete